Life Verse

I believe that prayer is a very powerful thing.  God designed prayer to be a line of communication in our relationship with Him.  He wants us to come to Him with our desires, and He wants to give us the desires of our hearts.  However, He doesn't always give us what we want when we want it. 

Chris and I have been trying to have a baby for a little over 3 years.  I have seen countless women get pregnant, have babies, and then get pregnant again.  Some even again.  I have felt multiple emotions through all of this, but I have desired to be obedient to God.  I have prayed that God would put my desires in line with His. 

A few years ago, we went to the fertility clinic at St. Vincent's.  I started going, but while I was praying, something didn't feel right.  I just knew God was saying to me, "Wait."  So, I did.  I waited another year and went to a specialist in the area.  Again, I could feel that God was telling me to wait.  I wasn't happy with it, but I prayed for God to let me know when it was time.  I continued to feel overwhelmed by all these emotions that were so new to me. 

One day, I went to speak with a coworker that we all went to for spiritual advice - Lisa.  I cried with her, and it was something I needed more than anything.  The next day, there was a devotion in my box from Lisa.  It was her devotion from the night before.  It had Ephesians 3:20-21 as a verse in it.  I decided to change my prayer to this verse.  I wanted to wait for God and trust that he would give us more than we might ask or think.  I prayed that we would get pregnant without help from doctors. 

A few months later, I felt that God was telling us to go back to the doctor.  Chris and I were in agreement that we both felt this.  Three failed iui's later, we are still waiting.  We have to wait until the end of July to see what the doctor says our next step is.  I don't know what he will say, but Chris and I both have a feeling that the doctors aren't going to be able to help us.  At least not in a way that we can afford. 

Lots of people have helped me, and hurt me through this.  I am 100% certain that the people who have said hurtful things had no idea how I was responding in my mind.  I have learned that they are mostly trying to help, so I just endure this quietly.  Sometimes!!!  There are a few people who I relate to, and there are a few who are great listeners and wonderful prayer warriors.  I have felt God's love through these people, and I know that God is in the forefront writing His story and using my life to do it.  Chris and I have talked about lots of things over the years, and something has kept coming back up.  ADOPTION.  It's something we keep feeling a calling for.  In August, Lord willing, we are starting the adoption process.  We could not be more excited!!!  We will be parents!! :)  Hopefully one day very soon!